For the chumps you have to deal with.

Being introduced to your wife's ex-boyfriends at a high school reunion? Ran into the bozo that made fun of you as a kid and now works at a shopping mall? Meeting the loudmouth idiot at a party for the first time? The polite, mature, gentlemanly thing to do is treat them with dignity and respect and shake their hand like a man. But it's more fun to do the following instead, even if it's outrageously petty. 

1.) "The Double Tap"

A strong handshake paired with a light double slapping of their cheek, Ă  la old school mobsters.

2.) "The Wink"

A firm handshake paired with a wink to his significant other.

3.) "The First Bump Answer"

Answering someone sticking out their first for a bump by covering it with your hand and calling them a child while shaking your head.

4.) "The Deathly Hard Squeeze"

An attempt to break a few bones in their hand while looking at them with subtle but furious rage.

5.) "The Finger Point"

Combine shaking their hand while pointing at them with your left index finger and saying "THIS GUY."

6.) "The Power Player Disarm"

The oldest trick in the book is the palm-down thrust, giving you dominance. When some dingus tries that on you, step right and then step forward into his personal space while shaking his hand, which will naturally move his hand towards his body, making him look and feel weak.

7.) "The Upper Arm Grab"

Best done to a guy who who looks like "Scrawny Arms Rob Lowe, " grabbing their upper arm shows a close intimacy that you obviously don't have and reminds them that they should probably be hitting the gym.

8.) "The Ignore"

The quick handshake and quicker "moving on" that brutally shows you have zero interest in talking to them.