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16 Brilliant Life Lessons From Jerry Seinfeld

Smart dude.

Legendary comedian Jerry Seinfeld has dropped some well-worth-reading life lessons over the years. Here's a few of his best.

1.) “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.” 

2.) “A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.” 

3.) “Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.” 

4.) “A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.” 

5.) “It s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.” 

6.) “Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it. When the doctor slaps your behind, he's ripping your ticket and away you go. As you make each passage from youth to adulthood to maturity, sometimes you put your arms up and scream, sometimes you just hang on to that bar in front of you. But the ride is the thing. I think the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.” 

7.) “The best revenge is living well.” 

8.) “When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.” 

9.) “Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it. ” 

10.) “Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.” 

11.) “Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.” 

12.) “Keep your head up in failure, and your head down in success.” 

13.) "You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"

14.) "We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup."

15.) "People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to."

16.) "It's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."