15 Brilliant Life Lessons From Larry David - Airows
Nothing but goodness.

When you're the co-creator of Seinfeld and brains behind Curb Your Enthusiasm, you're pretty much guaranteed to have dropped some insightfully funny life lessons over the years. Here are a few good ones from Mr. Larry David.

1.) "Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man--there's your diamond in the rough."

2.) "I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny."

3.) "When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom."

4.) "An employee is told that the customer is always right and, in fact, the customer is usually a moron and an asshole."

5.) "Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate."

6.) “You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.” 

7.) “I'd rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time. I'd rather give them things than time.” 

8.) “Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.” 

9.) "Women love a self-confident bald man."

10.) "Golf and dating don't mix."

11.) "Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate."

12.) "If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny."

13.) "That's a remarkably idiotic thing that you just said, but you know, the fact that you're wearing glasses, I perceive it as a little less idiotic than I normally would."

14.) "Because if we go over to his house for dinner, then we're gonna have to invite him someplace and if we don't invite him then he's gonna be offended. Then the next time I go there there's gonna be tension, 'I invited you, why didn't you invite me?' You know what I mean? We don't wanna get into that game. I'll need a new dentist soon, there's no question about it. That's the end of this dentist for all intents and purposes, I'm tellin' ya, it's already ruined, the whole thing. Everybody's gotta get together, gotta get together, the whole world's gotta get together."

15.) "You know what it is? You're always attracted to someone who doesn't want you, right? Well, here you have somebody who not only doesn't want you...doesn't even acknowledge your right to exist, wants your destruction! That's a turn-on."