The Best One-Liners From Steve Martin & Martin Short's Comedy Tour

Two comedic icons trade insults.
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“Steve and I call this show, ‘If we’d saved, we wouldn’t be here,’” began Martin Short, between two leather chairs on stage in Charlotte, NC. During the event, the two comedians spoke about how they met on the set of ¡Three Amigos! and how they’ve vacationed together ever since.

The show’s comedic force comes from their amazing one-liners, essentially built around their ability to riff off of one another. These backhanded compliments are how they speak to each other in Hollywood, according to Steve Martin. The show also featured Martin Short as Jiminy Glick and the Steep Canyon Rangers.

“I’ve seen The Jerk 500 times and every time I see it, I always say, ‘Steve, we could watch something else...’”

—Martin Short

“We’re like Donny and Marie without the sexual tension.”

—Martin Short

“By the way, Martin Short is also the name I use when I check into a hotel and want to be anonymous.”

—Steve Martin

“Thirty-five years later and you’re still The Jerk.”

—Martin Short

“Steve was hosting the Oscars when the Academy was going over that coveted 65-85-year-old demographic…”

—Martin Short

“When I first met Russell Brand, I was leaving a party around 1 a.m. and I said, ‘Oh, I’m going out as you’re coming in.’ He said, ‘It’s a metaphor...’”

—Steve Martin

"I like my champagne like I like my women... compliments of the Ovens Auditorium." 

—Martin Short

“I made a movie called Clifford,” said Martin Short to a light applause. “Those who clapped remembered that movie. Those who didn’t clap also remembered that movie,” joked Steve Martin.