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10 Brilliant Life Lessons From Jeremy Clarkson

The good lines.

There are few people more enjoyable to watch on TV than Top Gear vet and Grand Tour host Jeremy Clarkson. You can probably learn a thing or two from the man.

“Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.” 

"Whenever I'm suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I'm straight off."

“Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.” 

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

“We are going to have to stop penalizing people for making that most human of gestures – mistake.” 

"The basic price of the Ferrari F430 is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money."

"Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze."

"You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo.

"It’s what non-car people don’t get. They see all cars as just a ton and a half, two tons of wires, glass, metal, and rubber, and that’s all they see. People like you or I know we have an unshakable belief that cars are living entities… You can develop a relationship with a car and that’s what non-car people don’t get… When something has foibles and won’t handle properly, that gives it a particularly human quality because it makes mistakes, and that’s how you can build a relationship with a car that other people won’t get."

"I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you've got even half a scrotum it's not going to happen."