Matthew McConaughey's 26 Most Outrageous Quotes

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Jack Archer
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The man. The myth. The legend. Read these in Matthew McConaughey's voice and find yourself being sincerely impressed, thinking he is completely delusional, or cracking up at the ridiculousness of his words.

"I want to be reincarnated as a jaguar. Jaguars are keen and they're perfectly poised. I'd sure love to be that well designed."

"If you want your hair to be thicker, cut it when the moon is about to be full—a heavy, full, waxing moon. Do not cut it when the moon's waning."

"Do you know why I said 'alright' three times? I'm going to give you a callback to something I said five minutes ago. Because I'm in my car, I'm high, I've got my rock 'n' roll, but I don't have the chick. So I got three out of four that matter to me. So it's just alright, alright, alright! There's no fourth 'alright.' I gotta pull into the top notch and pick up the fourth."

"I was like I didn't know what he said, but he was like you're on a McConaugh-ssance . And he went on, said it's an expression. I was like, Wait, wait, go back. What did you just say? He goes, McConaugh-ssance. I was like, I don't know what that is, but it sounds good.

"The best advice comes from people who don't give advice."

"There aren't many things that are universally cool, and it's cool not to litter. I'd never do it."

"I brought my entire wardrobe home after Magic Mike. I usually do that with all of my films. Just for a keepsake. They're memories. And maybe they'll be valuable someday. Plus, you know what they're good for? When the kids get old enough to dress up for Halloween."

"I have my own vocabulary. I love linguistics. That surprises people."

"When someone bestows something on you, no matter how true it is, when someone says, 'Sexiest Man Alive,' I'm honestly going, 'Thank you. Right on.' For me, it's never canceled out anything, it's never made me go, 'Does this make me less talented of an actor?'"

"I don't want to just revolve. I want to evolve. As a man, as a human, as a father, as a lover."

"My rule is to break one sweat a day."

"A creep is someone who claims he's one thing but he's actually another."

"Man who invented the hamburger was smart; man who invented the cheeseburger was a genius."

"We dissect failure a lot more than we dissect success."

"When I'm surfing, I'm sure not thinking about the paparazzi. I guess if they start getting on floaties and coming out there in the water, then I might be a little upset."

"I love taking advantage of my fame. If I go to the airport and get taken to the front of the line, I'm not going to protest. When I show up to see a band and I get whisked backstage, I like it. If I'm offered the use of a private jet, bring it on. But I draw the line at playing the, "Do you know who I am?" card and I refuse to have every little thing done for me. If you buy into all that, it will show up in your acting."

"Vanity is great motivation, to be fair."

"A man should always have his diary on him. That way he's guaranteed to always have something incredible to read."

"Cameras aren't guns. They can't really hurt you."

"Life is a series of commas, not periods."

"It's amazing how quickly you shower when you think there might be a python in your room. Every time I took a bath I got nervous. I'd be washing my hair with my eyes closed and be thinking, "What am I not seeing right now?" With pythons about, you quickly get used to sleeping with one eye open."

"You haven't lived until you've tasted my butt chicken. You get a can of beer and leave half of the liquid inside it. Throw a bunch of spices into the can, then stick that in the chicken and stand it up on the grill. The beer will start to boil and the spices begin to lubricate the chicken. Do it right and nothing on this earth tastes better. No barbecue is complete without it. I cooked it up for Al Pacino while we were making "Two for the Money." He dug it, man. All the proof I need."

"I talk to myself all the time. Just make sure you answer."

"There's a difference in thinking you are a champion and knowing that you are."

"Alright, Alright, Alright."



Photo by Vogue. H/T Supercompressor.